PRINCIPLE SEVEN:   EMOTION GENERATES MOTION

     What moves the mover? Without the power of the life-giving spirit the body simply and predictably will not move! Without our spirit we are nothing more than a rock— mere dead weight! We all instinctively know this. If the spirit gives life and movement to our bodies, is it also fair to say that the human spirit generates all human behavior? As our spirit emotes, the body will predictably move accordingly. The emotion felt is the passion that moves us. That emotion will always have a belief generating it. Our behavior will be consistent with our core beliefs.
     Each belief will possess an element of truth and an element of error. There can be no perfect belief or any perfect behavior! There is one caveat to this truth, that is, unless we are informed by ONE who possesses all knowledge and all truth and exists outside of our personal world of beliefs. This person would have to live in the REAL WORLD of REAL TRUTH and that world would have to be the world of their making, in which, they have perfect control. That would be GOD!
     Let us now make an attempt to put all of this together by using a life situation in which most of us can relate. Imagine with me that a young boy of eight years of age is home during a beautiful summer day and is bored. His friends are on vacation and he has no one with whom to play. Unexpectedly his father comes home from work. The dad says to the son, “Hey, I’m off today, the day is perfectly sunny and warm, how ‘bout you and me play catch?” The young boy’s eyes brighten and a broad smile appears across his face. The dad then says, “Son, go to the closet and grab the ball and gloves while I change my clothes.” The young boy’s face suddenly turns to fear and says, “No dad!” The dad responds, “Son, I thought you like to play catch with me.” “I do dad,” says the son. The dad doesn’t know what to believe so he scratches his head.
     Let us interrupt our story and ask some questions. What are the possible beliefs that the father could have as he is confronted with his son’s odd behavior? If the father believes that the son is showing disrespect (contempt of the father’s boundaries) through the son’s seeming disobedience, then the father’s belief will predictably generate the emotion—anger. The father’s passion will in turn flesh out through his words (motion), “Son, what’s wrong with you? How dare you speak to your father like this?” If, on the other hand, the father sees the boy’s fear, then the father could be moved to compassion and come to the boy’s aid. Both actions are generated by the beliefs and the emotions that generate them. Let’s go back to the story.
     “Son,” the father asks, “Do you want to play catch with me today?” “Yes dad,” says the son. “I have been looking forward to playing catch with you for a long time.” Son, “Then go to the closet and get the ball and gloves and we’ll play.” “No dad!” The father, having just read this chapter in a book, decides to interpret all of this in reverse order. Seeing the odd behavior and sensing the emotion of fear generating this behavior, the father asks, “Son, are you afraid of playing catch with me?” “No, dad,” the son immediately replies. Digging still farther, he asks, “Son, what do you believe about the closet?” The son yells out, “There’s a bogeyman in the closet!”
     Let us hit the pause button once again. How the father responds at this point is crucial. If the father responds from his view of the world, he will set into motion one set of events. If the father, however, responds from the boy’s view of the world, he will set into motion quite a whole other set of events. Let us go back to our story.
     Scenario one (the fathers’ view of reality): The father blurts out, “Son, of course there is no bogeyman in the closet, what on earth are you thinking?” The father then begins to laugh at the son. Ouch! Will the son trust the father ever again with his deepest fears? Probably not! Why? The father ignored the son’s world and judged it! Adding to this, the son will most likely believe that the father does not care that his life was in peril; even worse, that his own father was willing to turn his own son over to the tortuous death by the bogeyman! The father had a wonderful opportunity here and missed it! What is the father’s error? The father thrust his own world onto his son and disregarded his son’s world. Did the father show respect to his own son? NO! Do the beliefs of the father matter at this point in time?
     Scenario two (the son’s view of reality): The father pauses, and then sits down. “Son, come over here and sit on my lap. I just want to tell you how proud I am of you right now. I have raised a wise son! If, I believed there was a bogeyman in the closet who wanted to harm me, I wouldn’t go near it either.” Most likely the father did believe in the bogeyman once and did behave the same way. The father is not saying that the son is correct about a bogeyman being in the closet. This would be delusional! The father is simply connecting with his son’s world by saying, “If I believed . . ., I would do the same thing.” This is always the case. All of us act out according to what we believe to be true. Would anyone willingly go into a closet that they believe has in it someone who was determined to harm them? Probably not! In responding to his son in this way the father is now connected to his son’s world. This is intimacy!
     Through these connections trust is developed. With the connection to his son’s world now established the father can further midwife the son’s trust by asking, “Do you believe that I would protect you?” “Yes dad,” replies the son. “Son,” the father asks, “If I lead the way, would you follow me to the closet to see if a bogeyman is in there?”
     In this second scenario what did the father suggest to the son’s spirit? Did the father suggest that he cares, that he has compassion and that he understands? What the son’s spirit hears in these times of connection and intimacy with his father will be remembered for a lifetime? Will the son trust the father with his deepest and innermost beliefs in the future?       
      Let us now introduce a new concept; namely, developing the ability of seeing “Counter-Intuitively” vs. “Intuitively.” Most people see the world intuitively. This is seeing the world through one’s own perspective. In other words, we see what is natural, organic or instinctual to us. An example of this type of viewing the world is evident in the first scenario of the father’s response to his son. In scenario one the father responded to his son’s belief that a bogeyman was in the closet by saying, “Son, of course there is no bogeyman in the closet, what on earth you are thinking?” The father is responding from his worldview, not his son’s. In the father’s world there is no bogeyman in the closed; however, in the son’s world there most certainly is! The father reacted intuitively and by so doing disregarded his son’s intuitive world. In the process the father also lost the opportunity of intimacy with his son.
     In the second scenario the father pro-acts counter-intuitively to his own nature by embracing the world that was natural and intuitive to his son. This must be done without judgment! By deliberately climbing out of his own world and entering his son’s world without judgment the father achieves intimacy with his son. The gift of intimacy is given when the father identifies with his beloved son by saying, “If I believed . . ., I would do the same thing!” Their two worlds are now united. By achieving intimacy trust is established and the father then EARNS the right to speak to his son’s world. The father can now help his son by gently leading him out of his fearful and delusional world. Living counter-intuitively is leadership!
     Leadership is more than what the leader believes about the led; leadership is also about what the led believes about the leader. This is evident in the second scenario where the son believed that the father cared for him and would protect him from the feared bogeyman.
     A great skill that helps in the understanding of others (seeing counter-intuitively) is the skill of working backwards from behavior (motion) through the emotion (passion) to the belief that generates them all. People are always telling us about the world in which they live. They tell us in many ways. People constantly leak the world of their inner beliefs through “TELLS” of behavior, facial expressions and sometimes words. Perhaps we have all heard the adage that the art of communication is eighty percent nonverbal and twenty percent verbal. There is much truth in this statement. When a certain behavior is observed, the correct question to have in mind is, “What moves the action?” What emotion is pushing this behavior forward? Once this emotion is identified the belief generating the emotion becomes more apparent. Remember: lack of safety generates fear; crossed boundaries generates anger; loss generates sadness and gain generates joy.


BELIEF   generates   EMOTION   generates   BEHAVIOR


     We need to get to the emotion that generates the behavior. Another’s person’s troubled behavior might appear odd to us at first or even crazy. Digging a little further, we will discover the driving passion—the emotion. We may see this emotion on the face, which is spiritual leakage, or we may hear it in words, or we may just have to ask. Once the emotion is discovered we can quickly dig toward the center of that person’s world—their beliefs. Once we know the object of their belief we can more poignantly ask the “Belief” questions, which are: regarding fear, “What do you believe is making you unsafe?” regarding anger, “What control do you believe has been taken from you?” regarding sadness, “What did you lose that was valuable to you?” and in regarding joy, “What did of value did you gain?” The response is usually immediate. Why? Because this right line of questioning helps reveal to the troubled person the very nature of their problem. These questions touch the raw nerve. By asking these questions without judgment intimacy is achieved along with accompanying benefits of trust and understanding.