PRINCIPLE FOUR:   FACTS, EXPERIENCES AND THINGS HAVE NO MEANING

     Put another way, “Facts, experiences and things don’t matter—what we believe about them is what matters.” These are astounding assertions! At first hearing these statements seem absurd. What do you mean, “Facts don’t matter and have no meaning?” It is easy to say, “This is ridiculous—of course facts matter and have meaning!” It is, however, true! Nothing in this world has any meaning in and of itself—we attach meaning to it.[1]
     For example, one person may view a simple rock as just a useless rock, while to another person this same rock may be valuable. Why? We all attach meaning to the things and circumstance in our lives. Recently I was talking to a “Rock Hound” that is, a rock collector. He proudly showed me some of his most treasured rocks. Some were quite beautiful. Some looked quite plain. He brought out one rock that he said contained some traces of gold. I asked him if he has ever sold any of his rocks of gold for their cash value. He then told me something quite unexpected. He said that he doesn’t care about the money. He loves to make jewelry out of the gold laced rock and give them as gifts to others. The only meaning these rocks of gold had for this man was the joy he received as he expressed his love to others. The act of attaching meaning to things and experiences is the act of believing and finding our own personal reality. What we believe about all things makes all the difference in the world, that is, in our own personal world.
     When I was about ten years old, my dad brought home a raccoon. We called him “Zorro.” Oh! What a joy! Every night we brought Zorro into the house where he had free reign to roam and play. Every night all of us kids would play with Zorro with great enthusiasm along with the accompanying raucous noise. Mysteriously, one morning Zorro disappeared. Our hearts were broken! Dad couldn’t understand how on earth Zorro escaped out of an enclosed garage. Zorro was chained to the water heater no less! Written across every one of our faces was sadness—except Mom! Why? Everyone except Mom attached the meanings of love and joy to Zorro. Zorro was still the same raccoon without anything changing within him. My Mom attached quite another meaning to good ole’ Zorro. In her world he was the source of great aggravation, vexation and the belief that her boundaries were treated with contempt. Zorro became the symbol of disrespect to her. In her world Zorro had to go! He did!
     This principle for many is a stumbling block. It is hard to imagine for some that what they consider to be truth may not be true to someone else. We will hear them say, “Can’t you see this! It is as plain as the nose on your face!” In fact what they see as true is only so to them. The object or event in question is still the same. What has changed? Only the spirit that is looking at it! We do not all attach the same meanings to the things and experiences in life. We do not all share the same beliefs in life.
     Everything that surrounds us (all events, things and experiences) is merely a symbol of reality. Everything is a symbol. That is to us! Symbols are objects with attached meanings. Whatever meaning anything might have is a meaning that we have attached to it. We may have been given a meaning from a parent at a very young age. We usually absorb meanings from significant others about the cultures of our family and the greater society. This occurs subtly. We are often not even aware of the process. We tend to absorb meanings from others that we believe have a firm grip on reality. We absorb parts of their world as our own. What we learn to believe as reality is more often caught not taught.
     Beliefs are extremely contagious. They are more contagious than anything else in this world. Beliefs are more contagious than any virus or bacterial infection. For example, in the United States it is illegal to yell, “Fire,” in a crowded theater. Why? We all know the answer to this instinctively. If someone yelled out that there was a fire a few people would immediately believe this without question and panic. Their panic would instantly spread to others who would, in turn, believe this viral delusion. The more people who believe this will further spread this delusional belief to others—exponentially. Soon, everyone will believe in the raging inferno. This can occurs in a matter of just a few seconds.
     Beliefs along with their delusions spread in mere moments; our spirits believe the beliefs of others through the process of absorption. This is how the spreading of culture within a society works. The movie theater in the above illustration was a small culture. Many beliefs are caught, or absorbed, in this way. Other beliefs are taught by people we esteem, in other words, people that we believe in. This is the Proximity Effect.
     Climbing out of this milieu is a most difficult thing to do. We fear that we will appear strange to those around us if we do not comply—so we comply. Those who live apart from the norm are oft considered to be “not in their right mind.” We can’t all be wrong—right?
     Here is a short story that illustrates this point. Once upon a time there was a king who ruled over a small kingdom. The king lived on a hilltop that overlooked the valley where his subjects dwelt. In the middle of this kingdom was a well—the only source of water.
     Every morning the king would stroll down the cobble stone walkway on his hill and drink from the well and mingle with his subjects. They would talk, share stories, laugh and celebrate life together. This was the tradition of the kingdom.
     One day in the middle of the night a scoundrel came and poisoned the well. The next morning all of the subjects, faithful to their tradition, came and drank from the well. Due to a prior commitment with matters of state, the king could not make this daily engagement. So, the king did not drink from the well that day. By the end of that day all of the king’s subjects went out of their minds due to the poison.
     The next morning came and sure enough the king came to the well to drink the water and mingle with his subjects. During the mingling the subjects began to murmur, they noticed something was odd about the king. They said, “What is wrong with the king? He is acting strangely. He is not acting like the rest of us. He is no longer normal—he has gone mad.” After that morning’s time for mingling was over, the subjects began to plot against the king. They reasoned that a mad king certainly cannot rule well and could not be trusted. That night they all decided to kill the king the next morning when he came down the hill to drink from the well. What the subjects did not know was that, that same night, the king went mad from drinking the poisoned water from the well.
     Finally the anticipated morning came and the plot was afoot. As predicted the king came down the hill to drink from the well. As the king mingled, the subjects were amazed to see that the king had come to his senses and was now of sound mind. He became normal like the rest of them. They began to whisper to each other, “The king seems normal now, for he is just like us! We cannot go through with our plot as planned. We must not harm the king!” The plot died instead! As the days passed, the kingdom settled down and went on normally—at least as it seemed to all of them.
     The reality that we absorb from our surroundings may be truth or delusion. How can we really know for sure? The short answer for this is that we cannot know for sure. This is basically a philosophical and theological question. This is also at the very root of our spirit’s thirst and undying quest: “What is truth? What is reality? Is there a REAL reality?” This is the human predicament.
We will delve further into these questions in Principle Ten.
     All of the things, events and experiences in life can only suggest a belief to us the perceiver. This is how our spirits listen. Our spirit listens by way of hearing suggestions. The whole advertising industry understands this important fact. Billions of dollars each year are at stake regarding this truth. Advertisers work hard to suggest to us that we need their product or service. They suggest to our spirit that we will be more beautiful or more accepted by others if we use their product. They often suggest to us that we will be an outcast in some way if we ignore what they want to sell. Usually these words are not actually used, they are merely suggested.
     Everything that actually exists in reality merely suggests an infinite amount of meanings. To one person an experience or an object may suggest one or several meanings, while to another person these same things may suggest different meanings altogether. Who is right?

REALITY CHECK:   Facts and Experiences can only SUGGEST meaning.

     We are all familiar with the importance of a jury in our judicial system. Many of us have been called to serve. When the trial is turned over to the jury, the jurors are locked away with only the facts of the case and the witnesses’ testimonials. When the jury reaches a judgment that “is beyond a reasonable doubt,” their job is considered complete. “Doubt” by the way is a term of belief is it not? What the jurors believe to be true will become the new reality of the defendant.
     This process of deliberation is a fascinating study of human nature and illustrates what we have been discussing so far. All of the jurors have the same facts and testimonials in front of them, yet each juror will have quite a different view as to their meaning. The facts remain just facts, but what each fact suggests to each juror is where the drama begins.
     One juror’s spirit hears one meaning suggested from the facts while yet another juror hears something quite different. What the jurors believe about the witnesses themselves and their testimonies becomes a fact as well. Juries will stack the witnesses according to their credibility. If one juror simply does not believe the testimony of one particular witness, then all of the facts presented by that witness are either minimized or dismissed altogether.
     During their deliberations the witnesses and facts at hand will not change, but what each juror believes about them differ and will continually evolve. When a general belief prevails a verdict is reached. This whole process is a spiritual one in which the spirit of each juror searches for the reality of an event that can never be known, for they were not there! Verdicts, judgments, opinions and conclusions are human expressions of our spirit’s belief.
     Many of life’s beliefs come from the traumas that occur in life. The suggestions that are born from traumas go deep into the spirit of the victim. Just how deep and pervasive these beliefs go depend upon three important truths that accompany all traumatic events:

     1) The earlier in life the trauma occurs the suggested belief will speak in more areas of life.

     2) The greater the pain caused by the trauma the louder the suggested belief will be in life.

     3) The more time that elapses from the trauma’s occurrence without dispelling the suggestion the more real that suggestion will be.

     Traumas bend the magnetic lines of force our inner compass aligns to. Traumas distort our personal reality. What makes trauma so traumatizing is that it abruptly changes the world in which we thought we understood. We feel betrayed! Trust is broken! The world in which we lived becomes more dangerous.
     The old proverb, “you have to get back on the horse” is indeed a good and wise one. Why is this true? Using this proverb as an illustration, let us look further into the inner workings of the human spirit.
     If a child is placed on a horse by their parent and is immediately thrown off, that child will most likely immediately develop the belief that horses are not fun and are harmful. If the parent were to allow the child to not get back on that horse the child would not have another experience with the horse to compare with the first experience. That child will more than likely NEVER mount a horse again. Why? The only experience that child has had with horses resulted in pain. The child’s spirit will receive the suggested belief from this one bad experience that, “ALL horses WILL ALWAYS harm me.” This suggestion will become that child’s reality for life. This of course is a lie and is delusional.
     Many of us have had wonderful experiences with horses. If this false reality is left unattended it will rule the rest of that child’s life and a lifetime of potential fun with horses will be lost forever.
     What the parent can do in the way of proper treatment is to suggest a better reality to the child. This is accomplished by continuing to place the child on the horse or a safer horse until some fun or joy has been experienced. The child will then walk away with a reality that horses can be dangerous, but also a lot of fun. This is probably the better reality and closer to the reality of the real world. There is always the potential of some risk in life. That’s life! This is why we must get back on the horse.
     All of our spirits listen by way of suggestion; however children’s spirits are particularly prone to suggestion. Parents have a great deal of fun with this reality. Probably every American child has been told about the Tooth Fairy. Good parents instinctively do not want their children to be traumatized by the loss of a body part. In order to mitigate the potential of any trauma the parent attempts to transform the child’s belief that something “bad has happened” to one of “something good has happened.”
     When the small child loses their tooth the parent rejoices and tells their child about the Tooth Fairy. The child’s spirit hears the suggestion and changes its belief from that of loss to the belief of gain. With the help of the parent’s intervention the child’s world now has the existence of Tooth Fairies! This is the child’s new reality! Tooth Fairies exist!
     This happens so easily for several reasons. First, the child is primarily a spirit with a mind that is just beginning to develop. They have no filter. They have no inner reasoning power to reject delusion. They just believe. Second, the child already has a fundamental belief, that mom and dad know everything. What they say must be true!
     It is important to interject another important truth about belief at this point. We have already acknowledged that “Seeing is believing” it is equally true that “Believing is seeing.”
     What does this mean? We have considered the truth that in order to believe we need facts. Those same facts suggest various meanings to our spirits. Our spirit rotates like a compass to what it believes to be true north with the facts at hand. This is what is meant by, “Seeing is believing.”
     The following statement is also true in human experience, “Believing is seeing.” This states that once a belief is established within our spirit that very belief will become our reality and that reality will be seen by our spirit everywhere in life whether it is there or not. Believing is seeing.
     It is not difficult to understand that, for example, if a young girl were to be repeatedly molested by her father for years that her spirit could easily hear the suggestion that, “If my father, who is to protect me from all bogeyman, is himself the bogeyman, then ALL men are bogeymen and WILL do me great harm!” She will most likely never actually use these words or say anything similar to them, but she will nevertheless believe the suggested concept of these words express.
     This belief will be her ongoing reality throughout life. She will see ALL men as the bogeyman. ALL men WILL harm her according to her personal reality. Even if a man were to enter here life with the greatest love the world has ever known, she will only see a bogeyman and a man that WILL harm her.
     This sad truth remains: that the experience of one bogeyman in this little girl’s life (seeing is believing) created a world filled with lurking boogiemen (believing is seeing). The suggestions born from the Proximity Effect of life’s powerful traumas can dominate our lives.

REALITY CHECK:   Believing is seeing.

     As a chaplain in the U.S Army many people with every imaginable problem confronted me. One sad story needs to be told that might help us to see just how active we listen to life’s suggestions and how these suggestions alter our spirit’s view of reality.
     One day a young soldier approached me with his great concern. He stated that I needed to see his wife immediately because she was contemplating suicide. He told me that one of his daughters had attempted suicide and that the other daughter was in constant trouble. I suggested that we meet in a safe place outside of my office that would be comfortable for all— including myself. I was trying to avoid being in his home alone with his wife. He immediately stated that I must go to his house. I was puzzled. I agreed to visit with her at his house the next day at noon.
     When I arrived, he greeted me at the door and led me through the short entry hall, then to the left past the entry hall closet. As I entered what I thought was the family room, I noticed out of the left corner of my vision someone sitting about ten feet from me on a loveseat. I turned to my left, adjusting my focus, only to see the largest person that I have ever seen. She filled the whole loveseat. My reaction to what I saw was most critical. She was watching me closely. The way I was to first react would establish in her what she was to believe about me. If I were to reveal shock on my face she would see me as judging her. I knew this to be the case, so I immediately held out my hand giving the biggest smile that I could muster and said, “I am so happy to meet you.” She smiled!
     After talking with her for about an hour I told her that she appeared to me to be extremely unhappy. I asked her if she has always been this way. She told me that she used to be happy. I then asked her to take me back to the earliest happy memory that she had in her life. She gazed off to a place and time that I could not know or imagine. Her face turned from sadness to joy as she began describing to me one of her life’s happier moments. She said, “When I was about eight years old, my mom and I were playing in the backyard. She was chasing me as I laughed. She was laughing too.” She paused, then came back into my presence and my time and looked at me. She smiled.
     I then asked if she could take me to when she was ten years old. She again traveled far and a sweet and happy expression came across her face, she said, “My mom and I went to the ice cream parlor on a Saturday just to be with each other and talk the afternoon away.” She paused, then came back into my presence and my time and looked at me. She glowed.
     I then asked her if she could take me to when she was twelve years old. This time her face darkened with a sadness that cannot be described. Her life seemed to leave her. She said, “My mom and I were in the car on a sunny Saturday morning to shop for clothes like we did every Saturday, whether we bought anything or not. While we were driving my mom was telling me a funny story and we began to laugh—we laughed with all our might. The next thing I knew I was smelling smoke and I couldn’t see anything. It was dark and dusty and smoky and I was upside down! I dangled as my seatbelt held me in place. I then realized that my mom was saying something. She was speaking to me. She was telling me to live life, to marry and be happy. Those were the last words that I ever heard my mom speak.”
     It was at that point that I understood what ruled this young woman’s life as I was dangling upside down with her in that smoky, dusty and dark car. Her spirit rotated like the compass to a new reality by the proximity of this terrible moment on this terrible day. She now believed that when she is with the one she loves and love is at its peak, the one she so cherishes and holds dear will die.
     She never said these exact words nor will she ever say any words similar to them. She just believed this reality. I said as softly to her as I knew how to speak, “You are my hero. I am so impressed with you. You have withheld your love from your husband and two daughters at the expense of your own happiness. You have sacrificed that which you cherish most—intimacy and love like that you had with your own mother. You have done all of this so that your husband and your two daughters might live. You believe that when you love someone and when that love is at its peak, they will die.” You are trying saving their lives!
     She immediately began to weep from the very core of her being. Sobbing and groaning, her spirit gave utterance with all of its passion. We sat together for some time. When the time was right I asked her, “Is this belief working for you?” Shaking her head no, she began to sob once again. Time passed and she said, “I am losing them anyway.” I asked her then, “If you are losing them anyway, would it be worth the risk to embrace them and to love them with all of her might while you still had them.” All she could do was nod in agreement and weep.
     The trauma of losing her mom influenced this young woman in such a way that her spirit created a new world in which she was to live for the next twenty years of her life. As awful as this event was the event did not create the belief, it suggested—her spirit created this belief. Her spirit attached that meaning to that event and then to all of her love relationships. The reality created was not the true and real reality in which we all live—this reality was her own personal reality—her belief! That part of her reality that was delusional was destroying her and her family. She was drinking constantly from a poisoned well.
     Because of life stories like this dear woman’s, I have learned the value of helping people to put actual words to their spirit’s beliefs. This takes a while, but appears to be the shortest distance in the journey from delusion back to real reality. Each word MUST be carefully chosen by the person traumatized. Each word of this narrative of the person’s inner personal reality MUST be written down for all of us to see together (all cards on the table—poker). Pay special attention to words such as “ALL,” “ALWAYS,” “NEVER,” “NO ONE,” and “WILL.” Look for any generalization. This is “Believing is seeing” at work!

     Something wonderful begins to happen when these words are written down on paper: the person begins to actually see the delusion within the words of their narrative. I often ask, “Can anyone live in a world where, ‘All or always or never or no one and WILL . . .’ exists?” I simply repeat their declared statement of their personal reality in the form of a question asking them, “Can anyone live in a world where .  .  . exists?” This seems to help them get out of their world and look at their world as another sees their world. It helps people to get out of the poisoned kingdom and see that there is something wrong with the well.

     Facts, experiences and things have no meaning in and of themselves—they can only suggest meanings.